What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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