I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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