im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
