Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
