I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
