I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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