What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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