Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize