Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
