I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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