The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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