This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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