at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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