its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
