found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
