Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
