No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
