Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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