Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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