What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
