Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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