Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
