Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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