Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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