Four minutes until I can fart!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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