I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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