Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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