this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
