dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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