yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
