Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
