Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
