I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
