Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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