I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
