is your mom at the bar?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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