I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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