i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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