Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
