I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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