I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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