WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
