i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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