She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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