I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
