Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
