omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
