u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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