dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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