Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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