Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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