I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
