3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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