you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
