I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize