The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
