i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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