threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
