It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
