How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
