You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
