I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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