You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize