i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
