i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
