I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
