The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
