it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
