he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
