Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
