just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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