Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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