just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
