He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
