So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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