i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
