Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
