My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
