I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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