I think I am morally bankrupt
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
These tits shall not be calmed
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
