I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
