The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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